


Budding, Blooming

by Kitsune_Heart



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Blanket Permission, F/M, Flowers, Geek Love, Humor, Nerdiness, Podfic Welcome, Romance, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-05
Updated: 2011-03-05
Packaged: 2017-10-23 18:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune_Heart/pseuds/Kitsune_Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rupert was having a good day. You know what? No. Not a good day. He was having a great day. An AWESOME day. And when a kindly gnome gives him some free flowers, he knew just the elf who would really appreciate them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Budding, Blooming

Rupert was having a good day.

You know what? No. Not a good day. He was having a _great_ day. An _awesome_ day. He'd finished the October reports a week early, and his boss had made some rather transparent remarks about his upcoming evaluation. Rupert could already feel his wallet swelling, and he'd decided to hit the grocery store after work and get a little treat. Once he stepped through the automatic doors, Rupert had burst into a smile. Cherries were on sale. His _favorite_ food, on sale, and just _waiting_ for him! Then, when he'd gone to the checkout stand and took his place behind four other fairies, he'd only been waiting for fifteen seconds before a checkout stand light had gone on with a _bong!_ and a trim pixie girl had waved him over.

And then...she'd _flirted_ with him. Flirted so hard he'd begun to sweat and had to push his glasses back up his nose. It was almost _scandalous_. He'd nearly forgotten his cherries as he walked out the door, and didn't think he'd have minded if he did, he was on such a high.

He'd been so lost in his thoughts as he walked back out the doors that he failed to notice a gnome standing right by the exit, and Rupert's wings—outspread with pride—had clipped the fairy's table, sending a bucket full of flowers and water crashing to the ground.

"Oh, d'arvit!" Rupert cried out, turning back and cringing at the damage he had done. "I am _so_ sorry! Here, let me help!" He went down to his knees and began to sweep the flowers up, muttering further apologies, while the gnome looked on and, eventually, began to chuckle.

"I should be packing up for the day anyway," the gnome said, lumbering his big backside to the opposite end of the table, where he began unfolding several plastic crates. "These little ones need to go in some clean water and get a good shot of magic." Turning to glance over his shoulder and raising one shockingly bushy eyebrow, he looked the sprite up and down. "You look like you could use a good drink yourself."

Rupert, who had just straightened up, holding a great fistful of blue and yellow daisies, paused. He looked down at his clothes. Grey slacks, brown loafers, and the brown and burnt-orange argyle sweater he had put on at the end of work, which occasionally shifted to show the white collar of his work shirt beneath. He looked at the gnome, trying not to frown as he looked for a new container to put the daisies in, so they wouldn't get dehydrated.

"No, boy, no," the florist chuckled, flipping a hand at the flowers. "Take them. They like you." He winked. "Maybe they'll bring you some luck tonight, eh?"

"I...uh..." Rupert looked down at the flowers, his wings twitching. What was he going to do with these things? He wasn't even sure he owned a vase. "Um...thanks, I guess." He brought the flowers back to his chest and smiled, though it was a little forced.

"Off with ye," the gnome mumbled, turning his back on the sprite. His cumbersome behind struck the table, jostling the remaining flowers.

Rupert's wings shot out and the back of his neck prickled as he dived forward just in time to shove a container full of orange roses back to safety. He sighed, wings subsiding once more, and took large, slow backward steps from the table, resting all his weight on the tips of his toes, as if he were trying to avoid making a sound. When his left foot sank down at the sidewalk's end, he turned and began power-walking away, shooting the occasional glance back at the gnome until he'd turned the corner and was safe.

Slowing down again, Rupert looked at the flowers. They were kinda nice. Gnomes were great with plants, and these looked vibrant, as if they had been cut no more than a minute ago, instead of a lot earlier that day. Each petal was a crisp blue or yellow, with no blemishes. Experimentally, Rupert brought the bouquet to his nose and breathed in...

Then coughed and sneezed, rubbing at his face. When he brought his arm away and looked at it, there was a faint yellow pollen stain. He scowled at it and rubbed his arm along his pants. Then groaned, stopping to turn towards the glass-paneled building on his right, pinching at the seat of his slacks, trying to get a good look at the damage. He sighed in relief when he found no stain on the slacks. Those would be a lot more difficult to get clean.

Rupert was about to turn away and get on with his walk home...but paused. He paused and _looked_ at himself in the dark reflection made by the windows. At the flowers in his hands in the reflection. As if to confirm their presence, he looked at his actual hand, and then back to the windows, tilting his head. He held the flowers a little higher.

Rupert smiled. Then he smiled a little bigger. He laughed, looked at his feet, and kicked at the ground. When he looked up again, there was a darkening to the green around his cheekbones. "So, uh...I was just thinking of you, and...ya know..." Rupert pushed his glasses further up his nose and puffed out his chest, thrusting the flowers towards the window. "I thought you'd like them, Captain!"

He waited quite some time. When he finally recalled that the windows weren't going to answer him, Rupert wilted far more than the flowers would, giving their petals a longing glance. "Not that that'll work or anything..." He sighed, the breath moving some of the brown hair that had fallen into his eyes as he sulked. Looking at the window once more, he combed it back into place, parted neatly down the middle and resting in a crisp line that intersected with his ear. After a few seconds to check the results, he scowled...and mashed the flower-wielding hand to his head, rubbing furiously, completely ruining his careful coiffure. He glared into his own eyes when the terrible work was done, challenging his reflection to object.

It did not.

Nodding briskly, Rupert stood up straight and pressed the fist clutching the stems to his chest. He took a deep breath and turned away from the window, marching, loafers pounding the concrete so hard that several nearby fairies looked at him and edged away, creating a clear path all the way to his apartment building.

He wrenched the metal security door aside, raising a hand to halt the normal chit-chat that came from the lobby attendant, and stomped up the stairs until he came to the fourth floor, at which time he had lost a little bit of steam. When he came to the landing, he stopped, transferring his flowers to the hand that held the baggie of cherries, thrusting his free hand into a trouser pocket and pulling out an inhaler, which he shook and took a hit off. After looking down at the flowers, considering them for a moment, he took a second hit. When he was sure a third wouldn't do anything to help him, he slipped the inhaler back into his pocket and pushed against the door, going out into the main corridor.

He slowed down as he came to his apartment door, hand twitching towards his pocket...but he was strong. He was a _man_. He kept walking, going to the next door down, where he turned his hand into a mighty _fist_ and pounded at the door.

Or, well...he knocked politely. And waited. And waited. He knocked again.

There was a sound from the other side of the door. He considered knocking a third time when a voice called out, "Coming! Just a second!" So he put his hand down and took a step back. Rupert straightened his back, putting the flowers back in one hand, keeping the cherries for his left, and held the blooms so the petals brushed just short of his shoulder.

He looked down at the flowers, smiling.

He stopped smiling.

He looked at the door.

He looked at the flowers.

"Almost there!" The voice called out again, and he could hear rapid footfalls.

He looked left and right, down at the flowers, opened and closed his mouth, and thrust his right arm behind his back. He moved so fast that a puff of pollen was left in the air.

The door cracked and a soft elven face peeked out...at the exact same moment that Rupert began a series of three sneezes, the last one two times as powerful as the previous pair.

The elf stared at him, waiting until she was certain that the fit was done, and finally said, "Frond bless you. Um..." She squinted at him. "Um...Roger!" The elf beamed. She seemed to actually be glowing, posture loose, eyes languid.

Rupert laughed once, _loud_. "Hi! I mean, wrong! I mean..." He began to bring his right hand from behind his back for a shake, but remembered the flowers. He put out his left hand instead, the last three fingers extended as his thumb and forefinger tried to keep a hold of the cherry bag. "Rupert."

Holly began to offer her right hand, noticed the problem, took it back, and opened the door a bit further so she could offer her left, instead.

Rupert almost died before their hands touched, and then he thought he could die happily once they _did_ touch. He swallowed, and it felt like he'd just tried to force down a big mouthful of bread.

The elf woman wasn't wearing pants. Granted, though, she was wearing a shirt. An impressively over-sized shirt. It seemed to have some sort of mildly deformed cartoon Mud Man on the front, and some tagged letters in...what was it called...English? The shirt came down to her knees and was plenty loose, but he could still see...still see...

Rupert felt his face burn. He could see her...her _nipples._ Not directly. Just...you know...they were kind of...standing out.

"How can I help you, Rupert?" the nipples said.

He jerked his face up, eyes looking at the ceiling. "Neighborly!"

The elf blinked. She pulled her hand back...and found it restrained. Coughing, she tugged, getting her hand free with a bit more effort, and put it behind her back, just in case. "Er...we are neighbors, yes." She forced a smile.

Rupert risked looking back towards her face. "I know! Isn't it great?"

The woman hesitated. "It...has been...okay, I guess."

"That's just what I was thinking!" Rupert laughed. "We are _so_ in sync."

"Uh...huh..."

"Yeah, so I was just thinking, you know, it makes sense, what with living so close and all," Rupert began, and panicked as his eyes strayed southward. He jerked them up again, looking just over her shoulder, into the kitchen, gaze landing on her table.

Well...more accurately, on one of the chairs.

Even more accurately, on the lacy...black...thingie...that...should have been covering her...dear Frond...

His eyes darted again, and Rupert almost shrieked when they fell on a matching black lacy thingie in the hallway.

He moved his gaze once more, and they landed on...jeans. Blue and way... _way_ too large for the elf before him.

Rupert put his eyes back upon Holly, who was watching him very carefully. Her posture had shifted, lowering a fraction as one foot went behind the other, sticking out at a 30 degree angle. One arm had gone down, the hand at the end in a loose fist, while the shoulder above had come free of the very... _very_ wide collar, exposing a large expanse of smooth brown skin.

Just before the curve of her shoulder, there was a mark. A bit darker than the rest of her skin. And roughly mouth-shaped. But nowhere near mouth-sized. Not...well, not...normal mouth-sized.

"I...uh..." Rupert tightened his grip on the flowers, mutilating the stems. "I...bought you...that is...I mean, I bought myself some cherries," he blurted. "And I got too many and they really shouldn't go bad, so wondered if you'd want them, Captain Short?"

Holly blinked. She looked at his left hand, still holding the bag of cherries, and pursed her lips. "I...um..." Holly smiled. "Sure! I'd love some."

"Awesome!" Rupert held out his hands, offering the bag. "Perfect! Thanks!"

"Thank you, Rupert," Holly responded, taking the cherries. She fished one from the bag and popped the entire fruit between her lips. A moment later, her face transformed, and she moaned from deep within her being. "Oh...oh, gods, those are good...they're my _favorite_."

"Uh...huh..." Rupert said, watching Holly's lips. "Glad you...uh...huh..."

Holly swallowed and screwed up her face. A few seconds later, she popped her fingers into her mouth and pulled out a cherry stem, examining it. There was a loose knot in the middle. She laughed. "I haven't tried that since college!"

Rupert bit his tongue to stop the rising whimper.

"Thanks, Rupert," Holly said once more. "I owe you one!"

"Sure..."

"I gotta go," Holly went on, pushing at the door with her bare foot, now cradling the bag of cherries with both hands. "See ya later."

"Yeah..." Rupert said as Holly turned and his gaze dropped, as if all the muscles that held his eyes in place had been severed, landing right on her backside. "See ya..."

And then she was gone, the door clicking closed, locks audibly thrown a moment later.

Rupert stared at the door for a good long while. Then he sighed, body going limp, which caused the hand behind his back to swing forward again. He looked down at the flowers, blue and yellow seeming _way_ too apt.

"Sorry, guys," he muttered, turning back down the hall, trudging towards his apartment. "I'd never have a chance with a girl...like..." He put his hand in his pocket, looking for his keys...and paused.

A few minutes later, he was back down the stairs, out of the building, up the street, past the packed-up gnome (who was chuckling), and in the grocery store. He found his old line and almost crowed to find it empty. Except for the checkout girl.

Rupert slid up the counter from the wrong direction and smiled, waving with his free hand. "Hi!"

The pixie jolted, startled by the sudden appearance. The line she had been brought in to manage had just dissipated, and she was midway to meditation when the sprite appeared. "Um...hi," she said back.

"When do you get off?" Rupert asked, and almost squeaked once the words were out. He reached up to push his glasses back on, inadvertently revealing his handful of flowers.

The pixie looked at the flowers. Then at Rupert. Her mouth began to curve. "That all depends...when do _you_ get off?"

Rupert opened his mouth, then closed it, frowning "I'm...already off."

The pixie's mouth continued it's unstoppable curve.

"Uh...oh." Rupert sneezed. He held the flowers far from his face. In front of him, towards the pixie.

She reached out and took them, burying her face in the blooms and breathing in deep...and sneezed. Several times, all quite tiny, more "a-too" than "achoo," until the last one, which was loud and made Rupert jump back.

He laughed.

She laughed. "I don't _think_ I'm allergic..."

He really didn't care. Not when his heart was beating this fast. "So...um...really, when do you get off?" Rupert asked.

"Oh!" The pixie looked at her moonometer. "About fifteen minutes."

Rupert breathed out a sigh. "Great. Can I...meet you outside?"

"Sure," she confirmed, holding the flowers closer to her stomach than her chest, wary of pollen. "I'll see you then, um...er..."

"Rupert," he answered, offering his right hand this time.

The pixie took it. "Alexa."

"Alexa," he repeated, memorizing. "Thanks. I'll...um...see you, then." He began to back away from the checkout aisle just as another customer was coming in from the proper side.

"Bye," the pixie said, waving at him.

Rupert waved back...and tripped over a snack display, knocking off an armload of artery-clogging treats. He shoved them back on top and made a mad dash for the door, keeping his head down, passing by the laughing gnome without further words.


End file.
